her able hands » Nonsense

Falling into fall

Kelly — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:46:10 +0000

Wow, it’s just barely above 50 degrees this evening and I left the upstairs window open all day, so the house feels cold and breezy. I worked on-site today, and planned a simple dinner of pasta with pesto from the freezer and a nice green salad. The salad greens froze in my crisper drawer (not the kind of crisp I had in mind) and my feet are cold, so I’m craving something comforting in my tummy. I set the idea of salad aside, and just sliced up a few of the leftover pickling cucumbers from yesterday’s mad, final pickling extravaganza, then moved on to one of our six volunteer butternut squashes instead.

Roasted. With butter and brown sugar. Hello, almost October!

I can’t believe how the weather changed today from sticky and warm and thunder-stormy to windy and cold. Driving home, wet leaves were blowing all over the road and I had to dodge rogue branches pinwheeling out of the sky. The clouds scudded across the landscape and plunged me into darkness, then bathed me in blinding white light ten times in the course of a second. The constant shifting of shadows made me feel haunted by ideas, and the racing matched my flying thoughts. Oh, how I love the voice-recording app on my iPhone. So fun to capture all of that gobbledygook.

So yeah, the sugar maples are starting to turn circus tent yellow-pink-orange and blanket the browning lawns with their curled edges. Inflatable pumpkins pop up on porches all over town, and trees sprout those bizarre witch crashes. Fall is upon us and winter is breathing down her neck with icy fingers reaching for her soft tissue.

Did I mention my cold feet? It’s time to dig out my socks and my beautiful Maxcine-Made fingerless gloves. I washed the flannel sheets today, but I’ll wait a bit to put them on because we’ll get another heat wave in October, and night sweats are not pleasant. Flannel makes them worse. I will, however, throw an extra blanket on the bed tonight.

I don’t know, you guys. Is there anything more delicious than the first winter squash of the season? You know the kind: roasted for an hour, cut side down, then flipped over and popped back into the oven for another ten minutes with the cavities dotted with butter, dark brown sugar and a sprinkling of sea salt?

I didn’t think so.

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It’s the weather, stupid (stupid me, not stupid you)

Kelly — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:58:08 +0000

Summer slunk off to the hinterlands again, and we’re back to wearing fleece around the house. My electric bill appreciates the break, but the garden is confused. I put a second quilt on the bed and shut off the window fan. My melancholia came back when I’d only just tucked it into the soil next to innoculant-dusted bean seeds. It hasn’t even had a chance to sprout, much less bear the fruit I’ll store to feed my mid-winter doldrums.

My early-summer kitchen routine is thrown off, too. Why this sudden desire to make chicken soup and crusty sourdough?

That’s an October joint. You know?

My new sandals aren’t warm enough by any stretch of the imagination. I even put on socks before my shoes this morning, and did I mention the fleece? I’m trying to look at this strange weather with a dose of amusement and gratitude because lawd knows I’d be here tapping out my overwhelm if it was as hot as it should be and I couldn’t go outside without melting in puddle of stinky, complaining sandal-shod sweat.

Come on back next week and see.

That’s the thing, isn’t it? Life, especially weather life, so rarely shows up the way we think it should. Or maybe that’s just me. But I don’t think so because everywhere I go, the first thing we talk about is the weather and how it’s derailing some big important thing or another.

Oh. Ahem.

OK, so maybe I’m the one who brings it up.

And that’s the deeper thing, isn’t it? That I’m the common denominator in all of my interactions, be it with the weather, the grocery clerk, the jackass who is tailgating me through town in a 25 mph zone, the electronic payment I’m approving for our electric service that’s three times higher than the month before, the endless to-do list, the child who can’t not express every thought that comes into her head and then can’t not demand acknowledgment of said thought, the other child who answers every question like a snapping turtle biting off the tip of the olive branch.

I’m not saying I think I’m responsible for any of those things. But, my quality of life is most definitely determined by whether or not I operate from a place of thoughtful, measured action or from that bright blue sparking spot of emotional reaction. The former moves me forward. The latter sends me spinning out of control and causes a storm of consequences that are, of course, further opportunity to think and measure, then pour carefully. But how often does that happen?

Not often enough, believe me.

So, OK. Back to today and the obvious complaint that is the cool, dark, heavy weather. I’ve already begun to approach this day from that place of action. It’s cold out. I put on my sweater and socks. Now I’ll work on breaking my massive to-do list into small, manageable chunks. Then I’ll get started with the work, and I’ll try to not swear under my breath.

So much.

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The space between

Kelly — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:54:51 +0000

My camera battery died and I keep forgetting to stop in at Campus Camera to pick up a new one, so I haven’t taken a photo in weeks. Meanwhile the perennial garden is showing off in a big way and I can’t show you. My yard is filled with trellises strung for tomatoes and runner beans and it looks like a fleet of ancient, dream-time sailing ships flying through on their way to Nod.

I intended to grow enough for the market this year, but somehow I didn’t. I don’t know what happened, but I’m glad I don’t have all of that harvesting to do right now while I’m working on so many other things and am heading out of town soon. I did pick a giant bowl of snow peas the other day and still haven’t dealt with stringing and blanching and freezing them. So much for processing produce at the peak of freshness. I don’t know. My heart’s just not in it. I pass the bowl on the counter and think, string your own damn selves, you stupid peas. What the hell is my problem?

Bugs. That’s my problem. We’re having a lot of bug issues in the gardens this year. Well, that’s not really my problem. It’s a problem. One of many, so add it to the list. My real problem is that I’m trying to change habits, and my cranky self is fighting back by filling me with melancholy and pensive thoughts to keep me from being as productive as I’m attempting to be. Or something like that.

Actually, the issues of soil balance and insect invasion strangely reflects the life inside this house, too. We’re feeling besieged with minor emergencies that suck up our attention and energy. The floors are dirty, the piles have all reappeared, bills need paid, filing is long overdue. I wonder how many years it’s going to take–inside and out. I wonder how many more years I’m going to feel as if I’m living full-time in the waiting place, paused on the shore with the small waves washing across my feet and sucking itself right back into the ocean. One step forward. Thirty two steps back. The tide moves in, so it’s about trust. Or something.

Here’s one of the last shots I took before my battery died. I just wrote *camera battery* on my grocery list for today. Maybe I’ll take the camera in to get the sensor cleaned, too. If I go out.

I wonder if I can get my sensor cleaned?

Meanwhile, I listen to this again and sway my hips like the hoopers, and stomp my feet and jump up and jump in.

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Grace in small things: part 1 of 365

Kelly — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:46:54 +0000

I’m in need of a little help right now. Life’s throwing fast balls and curve balls daily, and yesterday even managed a mucous-covered spit ball in the form of Lila breaking her arm. For a couple of weeks I’ve been enjoying Schmutzie’s thoughtful and heartening Grace In Small Things project. I’ve decided to take her up on her general invitation to play along on my own blog.

The world we live in is loud and harsh and bright and demanding, and it is easy to slide into a less than thoughtful survival mode in which we do what we have to do to make it through the day with the least amount of strife possible. This robs us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things.

It is with this thought that I am beginning one year of posts called “Grace In Small Things”. Every day for 365 days, I will post a list of five things that have graced my life, either on that day or at any time in my life. Feel free to join me. Or mock me. Or, you know, do whatever’s in your heart. You can start on whatever day you want, so if you come across this six months from now, don’t let that hold you back.

I would love to get back to daily posting, and as I said, am in need of a little help right now. I have a feeling taking some time each day to name five things that have graced my life might help me keep my boots to the ground and my heart in my hands.

1. Lila’s ability to cross just the left eye while sticking her tongue out and licking the underside of her own chin — even with a newly broken arm.

2. The topsoil at the entrance to the path through the woods all pushed up in frost heaves like a miniature glacier park.

3. The new kitty Butter’s tail flicking across my arm while I lay in bed reading at night.

4. Silky, supple, warm sweet dough for Wordy Diva’s cinnamon buns rolling beneath my palm.

5. A friend (see #4) who knows me well enough to send me these and this.

Let’s not make more bitter, contribute your own sweetener to 365 days of Grace In Small Things

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Some things I’ve done

Kelly — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:26:04 +0000

Trying to recall the last time I did a meme, and it might be as long ago as 2003. Egads. I’ve seen this one around a lot, but most recently at Becca’s blog. I’ve got a bunch of posts stewing in the juices of my addled brain but too little time to actually write this week, so here’s some filler.

Things I’ve done are in bold.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (wait. fish counts?)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Hmmm…56. The only ones that I haven’t done that appeal to me involve travel, but seem so unlikely given our lifestyle. Maybe in another lifetime?

Tag, you’re it if you feel so inclined.

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Cramps, cramped, crampy, cramper, crap

Kelly — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 21:13:39 +0000

I had big plans to drag the teenager with me out to Akron to attend the Barack Obama rally this afternoon, but a certain *friend* came to visit and the news reports kept upping the expected number of people going to this thing. First 10K, then 12K, then 15K and last report was 20K or more. Aunt Flo and I would not survive that kind of a crowd, so we’ll be looking for it later on YouTube. Just the parking logistics makes me want to stick my head in the oven.

Speaking of ovens, I’m going to give Jim Lahy’s no-knead bread recipe a try tomorrow because El’s photos made me salivate. Just look at the texture she achieved with her bread, the surface is so gorgeous. I’m pairing that with a traditional ragu and a fat salad for Sunday dinner. If I ever get up off of this chair and step away from the heating pad. My lower back has a second degree burn from sitting against it all day.

Did I mention that I have the house to myself right now? The sun is streaming in the windows and my to-do list is a mile long, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything. I’m too spaced out to even sit down and read, but I really should turn off the computer and enjoy the quiet. I wish you could hear how loud my CPU fan is right now. It’s insane. It’s making me insane.

Tomorrow will be much better and I plan to:

â€¢ start some seeds (onion, leek, cabbage, broccoli, brussels sprouts, kale, collards and lettuce)
â€¢ make some kind of cupcake for dessert
â€¢ more laundry
â€¢ write a letter
â€¢ read up on my baking chemistry

Right now I’m going to go pour myself a glass of wine, slice some cheese and an apple for crackers and start that bread dough so it can do the 18 hour rise.

Also, I’ll give myself a break. So what if it’s sunny? So what if I could/should be doing any one of a thousand things with my free time right now? I’m drained and have a busy week coming up, so it’s a rest and recharge day. It’s only frittered away if I regret it, right? So I won’t.

What are you doing this fine Saturday afternoon?

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Winter salad garden sprouting frenzy

Kelly — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:05:34 +0000

Well, I took down all of the Christmas decorations last week, but the tree is still hanging out in the living room, and apparently doing quite well. So well, in fact, that it has its very own little salad garden sprouting on top of the root ball.

I wonder if they’re edible.

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Virulent as the flu

Kelly — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:30:09 +0000

Okay, so now it’s stomach flu. Lila had it Wednesday night, about ten minutes after going to bed she complained her tummy hurt, got up to use the bathroom and projectile vomited macaroni and cheese all over the bathroom. And then heaved her way through the whole night, every hour on the hour. When I called her in sick Thursday morning, the secretary said that dozens of kids are down with it and it’s spreading like wildfire.

I’ve been washing my hands and praying people. Felt a tiny big queasy yesterday late afternoon, but that passed. Felt fine this morning. Came back from lunch at work and felt my stomach knotting up. After an hour I had to leave and am now home in grateful range of two clean toilet bowls. Aaaaany minute now. Damn. There goes twelve bucks worth of bad lunch. My deepest apologies to the coworkers I sat next to at lunch. And the ones in the morning meeting. And the ones whose cubicles are right next door to mind. Rats.

Excuse me. Time to boot.

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