her able hands

I had big plans to drag the teenager with me out to Akron to attend the Barack Obama rally this afternoon, but a certain *friend* came to visit and the news reports kept upping the expected number of people going to this thing. First 10K, then 12K, then 15K and last report was 20K or more. Aunt Flo and I would not survive that kind of a crowd, so we’ll be looking for it later on YouTube. Just the parking logistics makes me want to stick my head in the oven.

Speaking of ovens, I’m going to give Jim Lahy’s no-knead bread recipe a try tomorrow because El’s photos made me salivate. Just look at the texture she achieved with her bread, the surface is so gorgeous. I’m pairing that with a traditional ragu and a fat salad for Sunday dinner. If I ever get up off of this chair and step away from the heating pad. My lower back has a second degree burn from sitting against it all day.

Did I mention that I have the house to myself right now? The sun is streaming in the windows and my to-do list is a mile long, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything. I’m too spaced out to even sit down and read, but I really should turn off the computer and enjoy the quiet. I wish you could hear how loud my CPU fan is right now. It’s insane. It’s making me insane.

Tomorrow will be much better and I plan to:

• start some seeds (onion, leek, cabbage, broccoli, brussels sprouts, kale, collards and lettuce)
• make some kind of cupcake for dessert
• more laundry
• write a letter
• read up on my baking chemistry

Right now I’m going to go pour myself a glass of wine, slice some cheese and an apple for crackers and start that bread dough so it can do the 18 hour rise.

Also, I’ll give myself a break. So what if it’s sunny? So what if I could/should be doing any one of a thousand things with my free time right now? I’m drained and have a busy week coming up, so it’s a rest and recharge day. It’s only frittered away if I regret it, right? So I won’t.

What are you doing this fine Saturday afternoon?

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Well, I took down all of the Christmas decorations last week, but the tree is still hanging out in the living room, and apparently doing quite well. So well, in fact, that it has its very own little salad garden sprouting on top of the root ball.

I wonder if they’re edible.

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Okay, so now it’s stomach flu. Lila had it Wednesday night, about ten minutes after going to bed she complained her tummy hurt, got up to use the bathroom and projectile vomited macaroni and cheese all over the bathroom. And then heaved her way through the whole night, every hour on the hour. When I called her in sick Thursday morning, the secretary said that dozens of kids are down with it and it’s spreading like wildfire.

I’ve been washing my hands and praying people. Felt a tiny big queasy yesterday late afternoon, but that passed. Felt fine this morning. Came back from lunch at work and felt my stomach knotting up. After an hour I had to leave and am now home in grateful range of two clean toilet bowls. Aaaaany minute now. Damn. There goes twelve bucks worth of bad lunch. My deepest apologies to the coworkers I sat next to at lunch. And the ones in the morning meeting. And the ones whose cubicles are right next door to mind. Rats.

Excuse me. Time to boot.

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Sorry for the silence…we were away and I didn’t want to advertise the empty house. Hope your holiday (if you celebrate) was warm and cozy and spent with loved ones. Mine was. Evidential post in the works.

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You all had some interesting thoughts on my last post. I don’t think I was very clear in my writing (as is often the case when I do a first thing in the morning post and don’t sit on it to edit and clarify later).

I am in a deeply frustrated place with several things that are going on in my life and in the lives of those I love most in the world. I feel hamstrung and hog tied and corralled and basically like a piece of livestock being pushed along to the slaughter. I see a greener pasture, and I want to jump the fence to get over there in the tall prairie grasses and clover. Or something.

But I also love my life. I get it that the garden was just right for me for right now because dudes, I am so overwhelmed with the details. I get it that yes, I can pull into the driveway and knock on that door if I feel to. Really feel to. Or not. And that’s okay too. That heaping metric tons of bullshit guilt on myself isn’t going to make me or anybody feel any better.

Really? I think I’m going just a little bit crazy because I feel a big change coming and nobody I know wants to talk about it. They all look at me wall-eyed and wary, like I’m about to drink the Kool-Aid and they think I’m forcing a cup into their hands. I don’t know how to talk about it rationally and logically and my mind is always racing to figure out what I can do to get ready, to make it better. I’m not convinced that spending all of my time in a cubicle is it.

But! I’m going to drop that for now, because I can’t back it up with anything concrete or of value. It’s just…uh…deep dread. Instead, let me tell you something funny! On my way home today, I saw a young man in that garden bent over a bunch of buckets. He had picked the tomato plants clean!

You saucy thing!

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