The space between

Posted on | June 24, 2009 | 10 Comments

My camera battery died and I keep forgetting to stop in at Campus Camera to pick up a new one, so I haven’t taken a photo in weeks. Meanwhile the perennial garden is showing off in a big way and I can’t show you. My yard is filled with trellises strung for tomatoes and runner beans and it looks like a fleet of ancient, dream-time sailing ships flying through on their way to Nod.

I intended to grow enough for the market this year, but somehow I didn’t. I don’t know what happened, but I’m glad I don’t have all of that harvesting to do right now while I’m working on so many other things and am heading out of town soon. I did pick a giant bowl of snow peas the other day and still haven’t dealt with stringing and blanching and freezing them. So much for processing produce at the peak of freshness. I don’t know. My heart’s just not in it. I pass the bowl on the counter and think, string your own damn selves, you stupid peas. What the hell is my problem?

Bugs. That’s my problem. We’re having a lot of bug issues in the gardens this year. Well, that’s not really my problem. It’s a problem. One of many, so add it to the list. My real problem is that I’m trying to change habits, and my cranky self is fighting back by filling me with melancholy and pensive thoughts to keep me from being as productive as I’m attempting to be. Or something like that.

Actually, the issues of soil balance and insect invasion strangely reflects the life inside this house, too. We’re feeling besieged with minor emergencies that suck up our attention and energy. The floors are dirty, the piles have all reappeared, bills need paid, filing is long overdue. I wonder how many years it’s going to take–inside and out. I wonder how many more years I’m going to feel as if I’m living full-time in the waiting place, paused on the shore with the small waves washing across my feet and sucking itself right back into the ocean. One step forward. Thirty two steps back. The tide moves in, so it’s about trust. Or something.

Here’s one of the last shots I took before my battery died. I just wrote *camera battery* on my grocery list for today. Maybe I’ll take the camera in to get the sensor cleaned, too. If I go out.

peas_broccoliraab

I wonder if I can get my sensor cleaned?

Meanwhile, I listen to this again and sway my hips like the hoopers, and stomp my feet and jump up and jump in.

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10 Responses to “The space between”

Cat
June 24th, 2009 @ 12:01 pm

I so get this. It is not about one thing – but so many things that always need attention and if something throws off the balance the whole list looks daunting to me… now.

[Reply]
Kelly
June 24th, 2009 @ 12:25 pm

oy, the lists. I can’t manage to get anything done without them, but the danger is so often that I’ll only make lists and never get anything done. Am really trying to break that bad habit and take my friend Becca’s solicited advice, which is to act on one thing each day. it’s helping but man, subconscious/ego/little bitch inside is kicking and screaming and wanting to drink tequila in the middle of the day.

[Reply]
thordora
June 24th, 2009 @ 3:02 pm

oh the pretty. Come play in my yard?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that a good shot of water from the hose DOES get rid of aphids. My oregano is much much happier. Unlike the rest of the yard which has a certain…zest to it.

As does the inside.

[Reply]
flutter
June 24th, 2009 @ 9:48 pm

lovely, lovely, lovely

[Reply]
kelly
June 24th, 2009 @ 9:59 pm

Change is not my favorite thing either, so if you come up with an effective strategy to switch your own ways of being, let me in on your secret, k?

[Reply]
Jennifer (Baklava Queen)
June 25th, 2009 @ 6:14 am

Seriously. Screw the hybrids meant to increase yield or the GM seeds meant to increase pest resistance — breed me some vegetables that prep and preserve themselves!

Love your analogy of soil balance for your life — I sometimes look at all the piles and to-do lists and think “compost” (as in, maybe if I let it all sit a little longer it will take care of itself?).

Spotted the best take on to-do lists on friend Emily’s blog the other day: put “make something beautiful” at the top of the list. Changes your whole way of doing things. I really must try that…

[Reply]
Kathy
June 25th, 2009 @ 10:10 am

I’m dealing with similar garden fatigue. This midsummer point usually finds me wanting to wrap things up. Then I read Eliot Coleman’s “Four Season Harvest” a few years ago and it planted the year round enthusiasm…unfortunately it clearly didn’t kill the “I’m so done with this” gene I seem to have. What really turned my power off this season was biting into a baby slug on my lettuce after all my efforts to rid them. We have a near plague of slugs/snails and I’ve worked very hard to banish them, organically-but there are so many of them that I am ready to buy the hard stuff! I get little bouts of rejuvenation but honestly, when fall rolls around I am happy to wrap things up and settle in. Hoping to make it to fall this year!

[Reply]
meredithwinn
June 27th, 2009 @ 12:24 am

that’s a beautiful photo! and that’s a beautiful bearded man. gosh i’m a sucker for a bearded man

thanks for this today.

[Reply]
LaskiGal
June 27th, 2009 @ 9:58 pm

“We’re feeling besieged with minor emergencies that suck up our attention and energy.”

Oh, how I know this life you life.

[Reply]
Elizabeth W.
June 30th, 2009 @ 6:40 pm

I love the Avett Brothers! Saw ‘em live a few years ago. Thanks for the reminder of how great they are, and congrats on BlogHer recognition!

[Reply]

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