Fruits of my laboring breath

Posted on | May 4, 2009 | 5 Comments

Wheeze… wheeze…

I meant to take the camera out this weekend. The yard is spilling over with lush green and I’m sure the light in the afternoons had that gold-filter quality that makes the world feel this close to sepia. But I squinted a lot due to headaches and couldn’t get over feeling sorry for myself, so didn’t do very many of the things that I know would feel fulfilling. Now I have no eye candy to illustrate this post.

I think it’s allergies, but I’m not positive. It’s showing up differently than it has in springs past in that my body is throwing off histamine reactions all over the place. My tongue swelled and I bit it in the middle of the night. My eyes are rattling around dry in their sockets. I’m coughing and only sleeping because of the wonder that is NyQuil.

It’s much worse when I’m outside, so I moved between the house and small garden projects for days, stopping to rest often because my breath isn’t properly oxygenating my body. How can I feel so winded just bending over to pull a few weeds? Let me pull up a chair so I can sit to finish the job. What am I eighty?

Spinach and arugula are nearly ready to pick and the peas have begun to grasp the trellis strings with their bright, curly tendrils. I made a new patch for the raspberry canes on the southeast corner of the front porch, tucked in a sunny alcove so I can easily run some wires to support them once they shoot up.

The front porch is now one of the fruit areas in my permaculture quest. I dug out most of the mallow to move to an area around some trees by the driveway, and now will be able to tuck some broccoli, chard, baby bok choi and leeks in around the berries and pear trees. I’ll start a few more medicinal herb perennials in those beds, as well, so we can have a little bit of color and height variation. The real visual splashes will come from the cut-and-come-again bounty of the rainbow chard and zinnias.

So much going on in the background. Our renters are moving out and we’re back to trying to unload the other house at the same time Chris isn’t collecting any pay for his 12 hour days at his business (probably for a couple more months). Interesting times. I confess to struggling with keeping a positive attitude, but am satisfied to report that I have not sunk into despair or allowed the drama to pull me out of my life as it would have in the past. Feeling so ill on top if it all has sucked for sure, especially because my normal response would be to go out and work in the gardens until exhausted, and I haven’t had the energy to do that this week.

Life will have her way with me. No use fighting it, right? I can only point myself in a certain direction and take the steps as they appear. One at a time. Sometimes backwards. Sometimes forwards. Always leading me where I most need to go.


5 Responses to “Fruits of my laboring breath”

  1. Kathie
    May 4th, 2009 @ 9:58 am

    I’ll be sending some good vibes your way…

    About your allergies, I used to suffer something terrible, but now I try to have a little local raw honey everyday and it seems to help build up my tolerance to the pollen, anyway. Just thought I’d pass that on, in case it helps you.


  2. Jen
    May 4th, 2009 @ 9:38 pm

    keep breathing sister, fresh air is coming your way. love you.


  3. Cat B
    May 5th, 2009 @ 8:09 am

    A beautiful post even as you describe difficult times. You are bigger than they are, for sure. Know the winds will soon shift. Hang in there and keep doing what you’re doing, dear friend.


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