For the love of money

Posted on | March 17, 2009 | 10 Comments

A few days ago, I caught myself saying to my mother in-law I hate this money shit when describing the knot I’d tangled myself up in, trying to figure out where our money comes from and where it goes. After I said it, I thought I need to get a handle on such thoughts.

What if the positive thinking folks are right, and the universe or god or whatever, takes my negative statements about money as a directive to not send me any? Counter-intuitive right? What if all of our thoughts really do move like a river around the planet, and what we put out we get more of in return? Now as our family edges closer to our own financial crisis, just like millions of other families around the world, I’m seeing that I should have been working on that mentality during the flush times.

Did you know that I have spent my whole life believing that it’s not good to make money doing what I love? That what I love is actually considered a hobby and not work, and certainly not a career, and so no, I shouldn’t be well-compensated for it. I’ve also thought that in order to earn good money, I have to spend my time doing something I hate, as a sacrifice to the money gods. Here, please, let me make myself miserable…just pay me already! And when I say *thought*, I’m talking about the thick, sludgy river of subconscious that runs beneath everything, not clear, conscious, intelligent thought.

I have been deeply embarrassed by the fact that we had enough money to pay our bills and still buy books and music and plants and dinners out without worrying our way through a balance sheet. That we could take a road trip to visit family without having to scrimp and save first. Embarrassed! Even though I earned my part of that money doing something I didn’t enjoy! Oh, my twisted little head.

All of these thoughts swirled around me in the air over the past two days as I bent over garden beds and poked, sprinkled and broadcast seeds for spring vegetables. Planting the garden feels more of an imperative now and much less of a hobby. In two months we’ll be eating spinach, lettuce, snap peas, shell peas, snow peas, broccoli raab, green garlic, and spring onions. I planted enough spinach to get some into the freezer for winter, as long as we don’t mow it down with our teeth standing over the garden beds. Right now I can picture myself sitting in the sun, my giant stainless mixing bowl perched on my lap, overflowing with a spinach salad topped with soft boiled egg, bacon and sugar snaps; drizzled with vinaigrette. Drool.

Planting and raking and turning over soil helped me get back into my body and out of the panic frequency that is the current river of humanity. I can feel it tugging at my ankles, but I made it to the shore and I’m staying there. I can’t afford to go floating off in the eddies, to let the current take me out into the deep and dark. I have work to do.

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Category: Education, Food & Nourishment, Money

Comments

10 Responses to “For the love of money”

Kathy
March 17th, 2009 @ 9:31 am

I hear you…getting my head out of the negative money gutter. Its necessary and I thank you for the reminder.

[Reply]
Kelly
March 17th, 2009 @ 9:51 am

tricky, isn’t it? I mean, I find it takes constant practice. I guess that’s true of any habit I’m trying to change.

[Reply]
Cat B
March 17th, 2009 @ 11:21 am

Fantastic post, mdddddf! I think when we’re in a negative space we don’t see the opportunities that are always present. It’s so interesting the things we tell ourselves and it can be so hard to see. So, good for you! Now let’s ask for the prosperity we want and go get it! Onwards!

[Reply]
Kathie
March 17th, 2009 @ 11:52 am

I hate dealing with money too because its not what my life is about, ideally. However, my hubby always reminds me that we can’t get along with out it – the trick is figuring out how to deal with money in such a way that it doesn’t rule our lives. It’s taken me a while to figure out how to balance it – meaning having enough to get buy and learning exactly what is enough. I don’t want to worry about making money and I don’t want to worry about scraping enough together to pay the mortgage either… so tough this balancing act.

[Reply]
Kelly
March 17th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

Hey Cat…mdddddf–you must know that you’ve been a strong influence in my looking at the habitual negative thinking. xo.

[Reply]
Kelly
March 17th, 2009 @ 12:13 pm

Kathie, I think a lot of my “rejection” of money mentality has been idealistic as well. But you know? There’s not a thing ideal about being poor. I suppose all of the challenges in our life come back down to finding some kind of balance. Onwards!

[Reply]
Cruttera
March 19th, 2009 @ 7:06 am

Never understimate the power of positive thinking

[Reply]
Angelina
March 19th, 2009 @ 1:02 pm

I have to say that I really lost touch with how important and grounding it can be to tend the garden in the past year of constant financial stress. Now, when everything is tumbled down I have nothing to lose by spending a half an hour weeding my beet bed and it puts everything into perspective.

Poverty sucks. It really does. Not being rich is fine by me. But being poor is not alright because it puts you at that drowning grabbing edge of the water. Poverty is exhausting.

I want to have enough. That’s all I ask. To have enough without my entire being having to live from minute to minute wondering if there will be enough at the end of the day to pay the electricity.

Your thinking is going in a better direction. I am following you there right now.

[Reply]
Darcy
March 30th, 2009 @ 4:16 pm

I have saved this post in my feed reader since you wrote it trying to figure out something to say in response because this post struck a chord with me, but I still can’t think of anything intelligent to say other than, “This post struck a chord with me.” Thanks for writing it. I really get a lot out of reading your blog.

[Reply]
Kelly
April 3rd, 2009 @ 10:51 am

thanks, Darcy. I really appreciate you saying so!

[Reply]

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