with that said, you mention he may think to himself “why bother? it’s never good enough.” the thing is, do you think it is possible that in trying to undo the earlier influences you feel you may have had on him, you may still be implying the same thing: that what he is currently interested in (entertainment/games) is not “good enough”, and that “meaningful work” with its definition specific to you, is something you need to “show” him? this could easily make him feel “not good enough” or somehow deficient.

also, maybe you are trying too hard to talk to him, when instead a.) showing him by your actions what matters can be far more influential on a child than talking and b.) he’s good enough as he is and needs you to really demonstrate that you respect & value his interests as much as you want him to see the value in yours. maybe he’d talk to you about the early years…and what he noticed and felt…(again, this may already happen between him and you–it simply might not have been the focus of your blog post, which emphasized more talking than listening). moreover, as a teenager, he just may be pretty silent when you talk.

lastly, don’t look at the work ethics of other people’s children. often they are thus because of unremitting pressure by those parents to have their children turn out a certain way. so the children have a seemingly great work ethic, but no childhood, and no personality blooming under the guidance of a gentler hand. they turn out to be copies of their parents because they have no other choice. and, in terms of tyler’s particular work ethic–he just may not have found the thing that inspires him. you’ve found it in gardening, and cooking…but simply because he doesn’t join in doesn’t mean he has no work ethic. obviously, kids should have some responsibility growing up, but his lack of enthusiasm does not, to me at least, indicate a lack of a work ethic.

thank you for sharing your life and family stories with us. they are always so good to read.

Life has been much better since then. I can really enjoy having guests and not feel so “only” during meal prep. My husband actually comes into the kitchen to hang out with me now. I had no idea that the reason my kitchen was so unfriendly and stressful was me. No longer!

Blessings!

Lacy