her able hands

Phew, that was a long week.

I haven’t been getting up early to write, instead sleeping until just before I need to be up for work the past two days, thus no update. Chris’ brother and his family were here until yesterday, so the evenings were taken up with sitting on the deck drinking beer and eating whatever crazy concoction I threw together, while the kids played in the sand and on the swings. Having them here made the weekend bearable, and while I wouldn’t wish for them to move back here (would never happen) I do wish we could all spend more time together. They’re terrific.

My brain is fuzzy, my thoughts a confused tangle of threads, all vying for attention:

- We have two baby raccoons trying to get into the chicken tractor every day.
- The rabbit has now moved on to the Chard, one leaf per plant, so the decimation of that crop is only a matter of time.
- I haven’t planted enough beans or basil.
- I need to figure out a game plan for alternate work.
- Have to line up child care, September 7 will be here before I know it.
- There’s a mountain of laundry to put away.
- I say too much.
- I miss my family.
- I don’t know how to fit into Chris’ family.
- I love our little house and our land, but wish we could move it closer to my family.
- Every time someone in LA asks me for help now, I want to snidely say, oh sure, you wanted to get rid of our department, but you still want me to rescue you. But I don’t, because that person probably has no idea.
- The growing disconnect at work is making me want to go back to waiting tables.
- I need to refocus that thought on how to generate some freelance corporate writing.
- I’ve had a few ideas about a corporate writing identity/brand for myself, and want to take some time in the next couple of weeks to set up a website.
- Grieving for someone who was so difficult to live with is exhausting. I didn’t think it would be so exhausting. I thought it would be much easier. I was wrong.
- I wonder if he can hear my thoughts now, and find myself apologizing in my head all day, looking up at the sky and around at the trees and thinking, sorry man, but it’s the truth.
- I just realized last night that Father’s Day is Sunday and haven’t done anything for the Dads back home. Shoot.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll have more than one related thought in a row and will be able to string together something more coherent than a demented-sounding list.

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