Saying No to the Flagellation
I have spent the past half hour arguing with myself about seeds while perusing my blog reader and thinking about how nice it would be to take the day off. I can’t, however, and the seed argument is a losing battle (for the seeds) because it’s just too bloody late to start them. And by seeds, I mean Tomato, Pepper and Eggplant. I still have time to start things like lettuce and basil, but for those others, I’m going to have to plunk down my cash at the Crown Point Ecology Center Organic Plant Sale.
It’s actually on the weekend of my big 40th Birthday Bash. Did I tell you all about the party? Our friends Cheril & Greg have graciously offered the use of their property on the lake, just outside the city limits. A family we did a lot of homeschool activities with has a terrific band and they’re going to play, as is Cheril & Greg’s teenage son’s band. It’s a potluck-bonfire-rock-and-roll extravaganza. This is going to be too much fun. I’ll take lots of pictures. Forty! Can you even believe it? I can’t.
Anyhoo…back to the seeds and the guilt and the self-applied pressure. I really need to stop giving myself so much grief for not being able to meet the overachieving expectations I have for myself. I’m trying to accomplish the projects of a stay-at-home mother on a working mother’s schedule. Ain’t happening. I believe my seeds will keep for another year. At least, I hope they will. Chris got part of the fancy light stand assembled so I can do lettuce in another week. That roadblock won’t stand in my way next winter when it’s time to start those nightshades. Or, at least I won’t have that excuse to fall back on.
It’s just sinking in that I must make concessions to the lifestyle I now have. I mean, I’ve known it but am finally, due to the stress deteriorating my physical and mental health, understanding it enough that I catch myself in my moments of self-punishment. I can stop the tape and say enough woman. You do plenty. Give yourself a friggin’ break. The reality is, I’m gone most of the day. Sure, part of me wishes I was here, that I could work from home and make as much money as I am now and be able to get things done around here in between jobs. That’s not my reality right now. That’s not to say it can’t be at some point down the line. But that isn’t here right now. Right now I’m away from home close to 50 hours a week and I will put a smile of gratitude on my face and in my heart when I fork over the cash to the person who nurtured the seeds that will hopefully become my supper.
If I can make time to water them.
"Grass is the cheapest plant to install and the most expensive to maintain."
~Pat Howell
April 25th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
i wish i could do half as much as you do. it’s amazing to me all that you do. may you find a way to stop beating yourself with a many headed whip. those are bad…bad. put it away.
April 26th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Yeah, stop beating yourself the hell up! (Uh, I do it to myself all the time.) I think it’s more important that you have some tomatoes and eggplants growing in your garden than it is important for you to have started them yourself. I missed my chance to start them too.
I remember when forty was a very far away age. I’m only three years behind you. I hope it’s not a depressing thing for you. I have never minded getting older. I admit that it’s hard to experience the breakdown of health and the slower climb back, but being forty has always sounded kind of powerful to me.
You are already working towards regaining your physical wellness, so I say you’re kicking off a new age with a lot of positive action!
April 27th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
I swing between chastising myself for failure to do 100 things well, simultaneously–in addition to creating something meaningful. Some undetermined, yet meaningful important thing that I am supposed to achieve one of the days. Aaaaaand….being a totally lazy sloth, like right now.