her able hands

I have some issues with my teeth right now. Some of them are continuations of problems that I put off treatment for—who knew two years could go by so quickly. We have a terrific dentist here in town, so gentle, thorough and communicative which is key for me. I dream about my teeth falling out or crumbling to bits in my mouth often, and if I can’t talk about all of the what-ifs, then I’m just going to sit there in that chair with my head in your lap and my heart in my throat, and it’ll block your view of my teeth.

I had a root canal on a tooth back in the late 80s after a piece of filling fell out without me noticing (likely on a night spent dancing to Paula Abdul at the Blue Lagoon in Yuba City, CA after half a dozen Slippery Nipples chased with a couple of shots of Jager—I’ll bet I puked that filling).

It took another 5 years to get a crown in place, me hugely pregnant with Tyler and enjoying the benefits of my first dental insurance since leaving the comfort of my childhood home. I got the work done at a Park Slope, Brooklyn office with a hurried atmosphere, not feeling very cared for and it shows because the crown’s too small. But my self-care tends to spend a lot of time on the back burner too, as evidenced by the fact that here we are 15 years later and the crown’s still too small. The gum has receded above the tooth and apparently the root canal wasn’t completely successful because there’s a tiny pocket of unfilled canal just above the crown post. It gets infected periodically and throbs, pushing the crown down so when I bite my teeth together, I feel it move back into place.

I dislike dental work so much that I have avoided re-treating the tooth for a decade and a half. Also, our dental insurance isn’t so great and a new crown is more than a month’s payment on the empty house in the boonies. But I can’t put it off anymore. Not after I heard that the bacteria could travel to my brain and cause deeper stupidity or even death. Besides, it’ll be so nice to not have that huge gap between my premolars that always has a piece of lettuce stuck in it when I’m caught off guard by my boss while eating lunch at my desk. Hi there! Big Wide Green Gob Grin!

But that’s not all. I also have quite a few tooth-colored fillings (see hereditary sweet tooth) that have eroded, the enamel chipped off the top of the tooth, fractures and likely another root canal. Oh, and two wisdom teeth have to come out. This all makes me feel so squeamish. Embarrassed. I don’t think about things like boob jobs or tummy tucks or eye lifts. I fantasize about perfect teeth. Fifty thousand dollar teeth. Crest White Strips just don’t have that effect.

I’m attempting to get as much work done as possible before the new year so I can put it on this year’s insurance, but work is so slammed-ass busy it’s hard to keep scheduling time off. So far all of my appointments have been in the wee hours of the morning and I go in a couple of hours late, feeling guilty so I work through lunch and stay the extra half hour at the end of the day until the daycare closes.

Tomorrow at 7:30 am I get 3 fillings repaired, and then schlep to work with my mouth all wonky from Novocain. We watched Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reinedeer last night and all I could think was thank dog that Hermey, the misfit elf with the oversized pliers, doesn’t work at Dr. Martin’s office.