10 things you don’t need to pack and move to your new house
1. The jar of glycerine suppositories, with only one missing but the rest melted togther in a ginormous globule of goo, from who knows how many years ago. What’s the shelf life on something like that anyway?
2. Try unpacking the 50-gallon Rubbermaid bin, full-to-bursting with tiny, inch-wide balls of yarn. You need to use that for moving that stack of Farm and Dairys.
3. That blue and aqua argyle sweater from 1988. I’m looking at you, dear husband.
4. The bottles of herbed, peppered, and garlicked vinegar your father gave to you back when you were speaking to each other. You’ve moved them four times already, and haven’t used them yet.
5. Those few remaining ugly articles of maternity clothing. You are so finished with those.
6. 150 paperback novels. You are not ever going to read that Dostoevsky, Bukowski, Miller, Camus, Nin, or Twain again. Ever. If somebody else wants to read them, they can get up off their lazy butts and walk to the library.
7. The giant flatbed scanner your ex gave you 8 years ago, the one that has no known driver, cables, or power supply.
8. The dozen or so 10K piece puzzles you picked up for a dime a piece at a yard sale and never opened. You know, the ones that the cats have been sleeping on, and tracking cat litter all over on that rickety old shelf in the basement for three years?
9. All of those empty Burt’s Bees Beeswax Lip Balm tubes. They will not refill.
10. The CD that stalker librarian guy gave you of his band back in Orange County, NY. The music was abysmal, and you really didn’t need to see those photos in the liner notes. The ones of his excruciatingly thin body? Naked? With the guitar oh-so-coyly hiding his parts?
"Autumn is the eternal corrective. It is ripeness and color and a time of maturity; but it is also breadth, and depth, and distance. What man can stand with autumn on a hilltop and fail to see the span of his world and the meaning of the rolling hills that reach to the far horizon?"
~Hal Borland
June 7th, 2006 at 7:52 am
The best thing about moving is that you get to do major de-cluttering. There was a time that we moved once a year for about three years…it was almost easy when there’s not too much to move. These days, it’s a *much* different story. Ever try to move a table saw?
Good luck with everything… sending you good vibes for the sale of the old house.
June 7th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Wow. When I write my novel, and need the “grossest image ever” for some reason I am so calling you. You never ever cease to crack me up.
June 7th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
dude - the whole empty lip balm thing drove me CRAZY - I’d walk around the house croaking - balm, balm, I need balm - only to find the dozen empties - but then I’d see a TINY bit left in one corner: victory! And oh my god: I remember the nearly naked librarian cd. That was some scary shit. Didn’t he hit on you at the open mike nights at Boodles? (oh yeah - We never did do that Lucinda song there because I was such a chicken shit. Sorry
June 7th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Yep, toss it all.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:03 am
Congratulations on closing! And on getting rid of all that physical/ mental clutter. Moving is a pain, but the upshot is you shed possessions. We have lived in the same place for almost four years now, so we are starting to build up junk. And since we are never going to move again, we have to stay vigilant! Anyway, have fun feeding mr trash can. And feel good knowing that the more stuff you get out of your old house, the sooner it will find its new owner. An empty house holds such promise. My offer to help still stands, email me if you have need. And I am not just saying that.
June 8th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
Ha! It’s good to be able to discern what to keep and what to toss. Looks like youve got it down.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:39 pm
#5!!! Hahahahaha! Yes! Our last move was TOTALLY getting rid of all the Camus and Dostoevsky.
xo
June 8th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
OK, I meant #6!! But #5 too!!!
June 10th, 2006 at 10:50 am
Moving is fabulous for dumping junk. Good on you!
June 14th, 2006 at 7:41 am
Laughing out loud over here… thanks! Hang in there and remember… lift w/ your legs, not your back. And wear clothes two days in a row, what the hell, you’re in the middle of a move, what’s the worst thing that could happen?
December 19th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
great blog…
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