Shades of green
This morning is the lush green of a post-rain spring storm, and my regrets are moving to the surface. I should be planting. I should be out there in the big garden with my digging fork, the boxes of potatoes, and a few bales of straw, my fingernails black half moons and smudges on my cheeks. I fear I won’t be able to shake this off, this feeling all of a sudden that I’m giving up my dream even though I know it’s temporary, and that the only part of the dream that’s working is the garden, and that just barely.
I told Harvey yesterday. Harvey is the neighbor behind us who rototills for me, and just retired from the GM plant last week, and has huge plans for doing the farmers’ market with me. He got tears in his eyes when I said it, and then talked about putting up fencing along the property line. He doubts he’ll have the kind of luck that brings two nice families in a row.
Maybe my guilt is feeding my regret. It helped a little that I got to drive by the new house three times yesterday afternoon to see that Sale Pending sign. I remembered that looking out the windows during our little tour on Sunday I saw lots of green. Closer, of course, without such big sky or distance, but green all around. It’ll be fine.
"Autumn is the eternal corrective. It is ripeness and color and a time of maturity; but it is also breadth, and depth, and distance. What man can stand with autumn on a hilltop and fail to see the span of his world and the meaning of the rolling hills that reach to the far horizon?"
~Hal Borland
May 3rd, 2006 at 12:38 pm
I read somewhere that intensively farmed, an acre market garden can support 20+ CSA shares…you’ll be on the new dirt soon, mama, and can start digging aner. Keep the faith!
May 3rd, 2006 at 6:21 pm
Change is so hard, but there are so many things to look forward to! Good luck with everything.
May 3rd, 2006 at 7:11 pm
For the time being you have made a choice to (re)plant, nuture and watch grow those things
far more valuable than vegetables. And those are K, C, T, & L.
Remember that sometimes letting go of one dream can bring about an amazing fulfillment
of another. I love you and am very proud of you!
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May 4th, 2006 at 12:23 am
Harvey’s teary eyes would get to me too. I so want to make everyone happy. Despite myself.
May 4th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
Guilt is the devil.
I’m very excited for you! I can’t wait to see more photos of your new place.
May 5th, 2006 at 5:45 am
Mother’s Day is coming up, don’t forget that Mom of yours! I read her comment and feel like I’m eaves dropping, but what I wouldn’t have given to hear my mother say “I love you and am very proud of you!” That’s just great for you! She’s right you know….mom is always right! Hee Hee!
May 5th, 2006 at 6:08 am
We’ve got 7 good sized beds and room for more on our 1/4 acre. I am totally lazy and un-scientific about it, but we get a surprising amount of food. As long as you have some sun, I would think 7/8 of an acre will keep you as busy and vegetable rich as you want to be. With all the time you save on driving, you’ll have more time to dig in the dirt. Plus, next year you’ll be the darling of the farmer’s market! Local food is in, and I doubt anyone else there will be growing less than a mile from the market.
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